Let’s Show The World We Can Dance, Bad Enough To Strut Our Stuff

I can’t help but  feel like I am going off the rails ever so slightly, but actually, I’m quite enjoying it. I’m not going mad I’m just doing things I wouldn’t have done before and now I’m much more wired and dynamic. On top of all this I am feeling even more confident and happy! I feel like I could really win at this “life” thing. I am feeling really good within my skin and it like I’m really sussing out who I am. And finally I am thoroughly enjoying being single; it feels as if anything is possible. I don’t feel indestructable and there is no risk of me doing or going to do something silly but I just feel like I’ve really progressed with my life and emotions recently. I just feel like I can really succeed at this life and make something good out of it and I have the independance to be able to do this myself. I have also had the opportunity to know (with a little help from my friends) where I have been going wrong and I am now learning from my mistakes and growing further.
In short: I feel fabulous.

My recent events:

Saturday 20th June 2009

This was such an amazing day! I met up in Brighton with a few absolutely amazing people from BodyMod.Org. So good to see such lovely people again… and to meet a couple of new faces. We sat on deckchairs, ate gourmet burgers and wandered around the fabulous Brighton. Not forgetting a little venture down on the pier. I really miss every9one already but hopefully it wont be long before I get to hang out with them again.

Monday 22nd June 2009

The aim of today was to get the fins on my legs to a finished (or near-finished) state. So with today’s appointment with Alex that was the goal and, with maybe the exception of possible touch-ups, that goal was met. More shading was added and the red was made so vibrant. I am made up with the results. Now I have the swelling to look forward to…

After my appointment I made my way back into Brighton to spend time with more of the wonderful people I have met because of BodyMod. We went out for a few drinks and lots of get conversations. Leaving my friends in Brighton and making my way back home breaks my heart every time. It would be a dream come true if I could move there and I’m currently working on it! I am willing to do prettymuch anything (workwise) just so I have the opportunity to move there. I’m making that one of my main goals.

This film will never fail to fill me with joy…

A Fishy Behind

I’ve not blogged much as I am going through a bit of a tough time. Nothing I can’t handle but it has just slowed me down a bit. I thought I’d try listening to the music that got me through tough times before and it seems to be working brilliantly. My emotions are forever changing and coming in waves but I know I can beat this.

So, here is my recent news.

Thursday 21st May 2009

I went for my appointment with Alex at Midnight Tattoo. This appointment was dedicated to getting my Lionfish finished (for about a year I only had the outline). It looked great before but now it has colour it looks absolutely outstanding. How Alex’s brain didn’t explode I will never know. I could not be happier with the outcome. My next appointment is Monday 22nd June and the plan is to get the fins of my mermaid/fish project finished with more red and more shading. I can’t wait!

Friday 22nd May 2009

This was the day of my Nan’s funeral. A very sad time for all but it was nice to get the opportunity to spend a bit of quality time with my sisters and to get to chat to family members I hardly ever see (or have never met before).

Friday 19th June 2009

Today indecided that it was finally time to start sorting out my fishtanks. I’ve had two rather large fish tanks and each only had a couple of small fish in them. Now all the fish are in the larger of my two tanks and they all look very happy and healthy. This has really improved my mood and makes my room feel much less cluttered and now have created room that is hopefully big enough for me to adopt a pet rat. So… I now have a 3 foot fish tank that I will either dump or give to someone who wants it.

I’m in love with a fairytale, even though it hurts

On Saturday was the event that I’ve been waiting all year for. Eurovision. I absolutely adore Eurovision and this year did not disappoint. Great show this year! Although I wish that either Armenia or Azerbaijan won but congratulations to Alexander Rybak from Norway! Also Dita Von Teese looked absolutely stunning during her appearance on stage for the German entry.

Tomorrow is my next tattoo appointment with Alex at Midnight Tattoo. We will be working on my leg project in this session and will either finish my Lionfish or my fins.

Here is a video of the interval act of this years Eurovision: Fuerza Bruta. Absolutely amazing, water themed and very up my street.

March winds, April showers, May to bring out all the flowers

Well this week I’ve been dealing with things the only ways I know how: Shopping and keeping busy with spring cleaning.

The good thing is, that in the past few days, I’ve managed to achieve quite a lot.

I have:
Sorted out two years worth of paperwork.
Lowered my phone tariff by £10 a month (starting in July).
Worked in my much neglected sketchbooks.
Taken two bags worth of old stuff to the Charity Shop.
Donated one bag of clothing to the homeless.
Made £23 trading in old Wii/DS/Gamecube/PC games.

My Nan died in her sleep on Sunday morning. The cancer had spread to most of her body and she left us when she decided the time was right. I will always miss her and will always treasure the most excellent red jumper she knitted me a few years ago. The funeral is a week on Friday. It seems so far away. I just want to say my goodbyes.

I’m now devoting half my time to work on getting www.crystoth.co.uk fully updated and packed with quality content. This really seems to be helping me. I am devoting the rest of my time (of course) to keeping an eye out for my loved ones and helping them in any way I can.

And it’s only for herself, She can’t bring anyone else

Friday 1st May 2009

I took a trip up to my local college to find out whether I was too late to apply or not. It seems that I am not too late. It was almost too easy. Now I have to get onto filling in my application form. Part of this requires me getting a written reference which wont be easy but I can think of one or two people who may be willing to do it for me.

After my visit to the college I went for a drink of coffee and a walk around the nearby country park. I have a rule: if you come across a bridge when exploring you must go over it because it must lead somewhere. I ended up walking for miles in the sunshine. Lovely.

Saturday 2nd May 2009

Today I went to more country parks with my parents. I had a lovely time walking, taking photographs, walking around with bulls and eating ice cream. Then my brother and his family came over and we all stuffed ourselves on Chinese take away.

Sunday 3rd May 2009

I received an invitation from Martin to go down for a visit to Brighton and a few drinks. I haven’t seen him for about 3 or 4 months so it was good to see him again. We went for a BBQ by the beach with a few of his friends. We then spent most of the evening in the Hobgoblin to see a few bands and Matt was there which was lovely.

Monday 4th May 2009

I remained in Brighton until the early evening for a couple more drinks and a great book discussion.

I’m actually rather angry with myself because I don’t feel that I was very good company. I was having a really good time but failed to just let go as I had so much on my mind that I couldn’t put aside for the evening. I hope Martin and the others understand, I really do. I also hope he realises that I really appreciated my time in Brighton.

I did have a lot on my mind though and I hope you don’t mind but I just want to get it out and this is the best way for me to do so…

I have been feeling very lonely, unlovable and worthless. I’m sure none of this is true but I just can’t help feeling this way. I’ve felt like this for a couple of years but by growing my ego, loving myself more than anyone else could and buying myself nice things always got me through. Even that doesn’t seem to be working any more.

I am on a four day week and there’s barely enough work coming in to keep us busy. I’m bored of people telling me not to worry about it because losing my job would mean that I’ve also lost my reason to get out of bed most mornings I would also have lost my means to carry on buying myself treats to cheer myself up.

Also this week we find out if my Nan’s cancer is operable. Even if it is there is still debate as to whether she would get through the operation because she’s not been eating and can’t even manage to drink without gagging.

I’m usually such a positive person who never lets anything get to them and I’m actually somewhat angry with myself for letting this get me down. I’m doing my best to keep my spirits up but keeping back the tears is proving to be a challenge. However… this weekend I got to see some beautiful natural sights in the sunshine, spent two days in my favourite city, saw a couple of great metal bands, met new people and spent time with two good friends of mine. For all of those things I am very, very grateful.

I’m just so glad I have the college course to work and aim for. This will give a new purpose to my life.

Just Keep Swimming

Yesterday I had my first tattoo appointment since October and it was time for my Blue Tang to be born. I absolutely love it and the blue is just outstanding. Fish-wise my upper left leg is almost complete and then it will be time to work on the lower leg (and my right leg, of course). Whilst I was there I booked my next appointment for 21st May to continue with my left leg. I think that one of the best things about yesterdays appointment was to be back at Midnight Tattoo with the great environment that I always experience there.

I have decided that now is the time to get myself back into art college. I know there’s a course I want to do at my local college so I’m going to e-mail their Admissions team tomorrow. On Friday I plan to take a trip up there to pick up a prospectus and to see if there is any chance for me to talk to someone there running the course or a member of the admissions team face to face. Ideally I would also like to be able to talk to someone who can advise me on the financial side of things (as I will be a mature student and plan to take out a student loan. If I’m too late to get in for this academic year I will apply for next year. We’ll see. In the mean time I shall get a portfolio together (easy) and save lots of money (not so easy).

My Birthday Weekend

Friday 17th April 2009

Today was spent in my pyjamas. Because I could. I also took full advantage of my extra day off. First of all I sat with my Mum and listened to Yusuf Islam on the radio; absolutely amazing and I would love to see Moonshadow when it’s showing. Then it was time to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas which I had a sing-a-long to and then I watched Beetle Juice. The rest of the day was spent getting a present together for a very special lady…

Saturday 18th April 2009

I made my merry way to the gorgeous Sarah’s house for her mega ace 1980s themed birthday party. It was amazing to see my Sarah again and I was treated to a ‘Shower In A Can’  en-suite room again. I was thoroughly spoilt!

Sunday 19th April 2009 – My Birthday!

I had a truly excellent birthday. Gorgeous presents (as seen in picture), visits from loved ones, the time spent with Sarah, profiterole cake, buffet dinners, phone conversations with loved ones and having Happy Birthday sung to me. Not only all that but I came home to a perfectly tidy and freshly hoovered bedroom. Heaven! Definitely one of my favourite birthdays. I am very lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life that mean everything to me. That is the biggest and best birthday gift possible.

I felt just like my old bony self again

Yesterday I phoned Alex at Midnight Tattoo and I’m now booked in for a tattoo appointment on 27th April. My main priority for this appointment is to finally get the fin part of my mermaid/fish leg project then maybe go on to add more fish to my left leg.

My job doesn’t look very secure at the moment. Unless we get a new order in at the beginning of next week we will literally have no work to do. Unless things drastically change I don’t see the company surviving.

Last night I had a dream about an Eastern European man declaring his undying love for me even though he was engaged to one of my sisters. Then an evil baby came along and that’s where things started to get a bit weird ha ha ha.

In good news, though, I am back on form and feeling like myself again. Happy times!

Back On Track

Today I was living up to my choice to only go onto my laptop when I have something productive to do on it. This evening I have (finally) got back onto the task of drawing up designs for my tattoos. Today I have been working on marine fish species for my left leg. Tomorrow I hope to have the basic body shape worked out for a Moray Eel to also go onto my left leg. Then I can work out the other fish around it.

The next fish/mermaid related designs I will work on are the freshwater plants for my right leg (which will travel up most of my leg and finish as a couple of lily pads on my right bum cheek. I also need to work that design around a catfish that I am yet to draw up. Progress is slow on the catfish, though, because I’m having difficulty finding useful reference pictures.

Here is a small image of the fish I have been working on today; Picasso Trigger, Regal Tang and Leafy Sea Dragon.

Easter Ban

I decided that over the Easter weekend I would ban myself from the internet and my laptop. As a holiday from that as well as work. Here’s how it went…

Thursday 9th April 2009

I broke my ban today but I had consulted several people before hand to see if it was allowed. I received an e-mail through my phone from Office telling me about a 50% off sale but only though the website. I went onto the computer, bought 2 pairs of shoes, went on to buy a new pair on sunglasses from another online retailer and then switched the computer off immediately afterwards. A total online time of 30 minutes and no checking of Facebook, Twitter, IAM, BodyMod etc.

Friday 10th April 2009

Today I sorted out clothes for charity shop but other than that I was mostly lazy and ate strawberries. Then in the evening I watched the first episode of the new series of Red Dwarf.

Saturday 11th April 2009

The effects of being without a laptop really started to come into action today. I slept really well and naturally woke up at a very respectable time. First of all I went for a walk down to the village to give a bag of clothes to one of the local charity shops. Then I decided to go into town for some much needed shopping. I bought several gorgeous items from Paperchase. I then went on to do what I originally went into town for; to get my philtrum pierced. I absolutely love it.

Finally I went for a meal with my parents as an early birthday dinner because I probably won’t be home for most of my birthday. I had a rack of ribs… yummy!

Sunday 12th April 2009

Today I look like a duck or like I’ve had a Botox injection in my top lip. Nice and swollen. Luckily I didn’t have to go out today. So I chose to be very very lazy and watched my Dad play Guitar Hero. But that isn’t all! I also gave myself a much needed haircut. My goal is to grow my hair long (almost down to the small of my back) but for the overall health of my hair a couple of inches had to go from the bottom. I want long hair but I only want the hair that HASN’T been bleached and dyed within an inch of it’s life.

Monday 13th April 2009

Today!

My internet and laptop ban is over. Other than a couple of tiny breaks from my ban I was very good at resisting temptation. But now I’m off of my ban I’ve realised something… I actually didn’t miss out on anything whilst being away except from chatting with a few of my most favourite people who live too far away. From now on I think I’ll only bother going on my laptop when I actually have something productive to do on it: drawing, writing, gossiping with my favourite people etc (but from now on I might just call them instead!)